Greed Is Back! (and still Great)

One of Hollywood’s most lovable characters (from his starched collar down to his polished wingtips) will return for a Second Coming to save America, and as hedgie to boot!
Since the writers will obviously need some ideas, I’ve drawn up a few suitable strategies for Gekko’s fund:

• Gekko buys Iran CDS, and then lobbies the President to bomb the shit out that hole (bonus for crude leverage).
• Quietly acquires Russia’s grain and potato fields, then convinces the now vodka-less populace to give him Gazprom and makes Putin and Abramovich fight a tag team grudge match against Berezovsky and Khodorkovsky in a polonium plated cage.
• Buys out a Texas utility promising to replace all the dirty coal plants with those that run on rainbows and unicorn farts. After the deal is closed Gecko doubles coal production. I know it’s wishful thinking, Henry, but this is supposed to be an uplifting movie.
• Reemerges as an avid environmentalist and sets up a SRI (Socially Responsible Investment) fund that acquires stakes in companies that produce affordable American made hybrids (made by illegal immigrants for 50 cents an hour), biodiesel (with sugarcane harvested by 7 year old Brazilian slaves after they mow down enough rainforests to make room for the fields) and organic meats (from “rescued” animals).

I’m expecting full royalty payments.

clipped from www.nytimes.com as their boss, Rupert Murdoch, pursued an uninvited takeover bid for Dow Jones this week, Fox movie executives quietly sealed a deal to revive Gordon Gekko When last seen, the corrupt Gekko, an Oscar-winning role for Michael Douglas, was on the brink of surrendering his white cuffs for handcuffs, having been sold out by his protégé Bud Fox “He went to jail,” acknowledged Edward R. Pressman, who produced the original movie and reached an agreement with Fox this week to develop a sequel in which Mr. Douglas will resume his machinations on a global scale in the hedge-fund era. the title, he said, will be “Money Never Sleeps,” a restyled Gekko, he predicted, might start setting trends all over again. “If you weren’t wearing suspenders before ‘Wall Street,’ you were certainly wearing them after,” Speaking by telephone from Bermuda, Mr. Douglas said he wouldn’t mind if he never had “one more drunken Wall Street broker come up to me and say, ‘You’re the man!’ ” Mr. Stone will not direct the sequel