Al-Qaeda Feels the Subprime Burn

Nobody is safe from subprime contagion, not even terrorists who took out second mortgages on their caves to pay for new goats, chickens and ingredients for IUDs, as Osama bin Laden said he felt his minions' suffering from high rates in a video released September 7th. Never mind that interest is forbidden and there are no late payments under the Shariah law of Islamic banking - George Bush has found a way to tax the Taliban.

Global warming is also a problem for the struggling cells as packs of C4 strapped around the torso aren't exactly breathable and donkeys are known to produce more toxic emissions than any infidel's Hummer.

Despite his condolences the dapper dictator appeared somewhat insincere addressing the problem of poverty with his slick new beardcut and die job that screamed Redken 5th Ave. In fact my intel tells me Osama may not be hiding in Afghani mountains after all, but staying with his new life partner and John Edwards' stylist, Joseph "bin Fabulous" Torrenueva.

clipped from www.bloomberg.com In the Sept. 7 video, bin Laden spoke about ``the reeling of many of you under the burden of interest-related debts, insane taxes and real estate mortgages, global warming and its woes,'' Sajjan M. Gohel, Director of International Security at the London-based Asia Pacific Foundation, said. ``Bin Laden appeared to have a trimmed and dyed beard, which ran to counter reports that he is gravely ill from kidney disease, or holed up in a cave and cut off from the outside world,'' Gohel said in an e-mailed statement.