Party Like A Rock*

Seriously people, I can't make this ish up.
If you thought forcing a quant to take estrogen at SAC was the fruit-battiest Wall Street got ...well, just wait till you meet Tiger - the gay go-go dancer.

clipped from www.nytimes.com A life of private jets and black-tie balls ended with Seth Tobias, a wealthy investment manager and a familiar presence on CNBC, floating face down in the swimming pool of his mansion [in Palm Beach, FL]. Bill Ash, a former assistant to Mr. Tobias, said he had told the police that Mrs. Tobias confessed to him that she had cajoled her husband into the water while he was on a cocaine binge with a promise of sex with a male go-go dancer known as Tiger. Mr. Ash has a past: he has been arrested at least 11 times on charges ranging from larceny to prostitution; He has been called Mr. Madam because of a past connection he says he had to Heidi Fleiss, the Hollywood Madam [and because he likes going to galas in fancy sequined dresses]. Through her lawyers, Mrs. Tobias refused to comment for this article. In a recent interview with The Palm Beach Post, she said, “I’m broken. I haven’t gone out in six weeks. I’ve been in and out of the hospital. I just pray all day and wonder why people could be so evil.” [If a socialite didn't go out for six whole weeks - you know it's serious. If she just wanted the money she'd clearly be spending it - and not just on hiding the evidence...] Mrs. Tobias spent $9,628 to have the pool drained and resurfaced days after her husband died, according to documents filed in an unrelated case. In court filings, the Tobias brothers invoke Florida’s “slayer statute,” which prohibits inheritance by a person who murders someone from whom they stand to inherit. They claim she “intentionally killed” her husband “by asphyxiation and drowning.” One lawyer representing Mrs. Tobias, Gary Dunkin, said he was shocked by the accusation. “In my 25 years practicing law, this is the most reckless allegation I have ever seen,” he said in court. [Dunkin' has never seen relatives accuse a socialite of murdering her estranged husband for money because he spent most of his 25 years practicing law at Krispy, Dunkin & Happy, which lardly deals only in cases pertaining to deliciousness.] Mrs. Tobias' [other] lawyers, which include her prior husband [with whom she'll share the "legal fees" paid by the husband's estate if she doesn't win], Jay J. Jacknin [aka Triple J, Jizza Jack, and Jack'n J], have asked the court to put off her depositions, citing her “psychiatric condition”. They said she hired contractors to empty the pool because she was distraught over her husband’s death [not going according to plan]. Mr. Tobias never ran with the titans of Wall Street. He was a small player in an industry where successful managers command billions or even tens of billions of dollars [so you can't even imagine what kinda crazy shit goes down at the Cohen and Simons houses]. Mr. Tobias’s life was apparently as volatile as his investment returns. [Mr. & Mrs. Tobias] secretly frequented a gay bar called Cupids in West Palm Beach, in a strip mall along a main thoroughfare. It was there, according to Mr. Ash, that Mr. Tobias first met Tiger. “Seth used to come in here back when it was crazy,” said Adiel Hemingway, the longtime manager of Cupids. As a flat-screen television blared hard-core gay pornography, he said that Mr. Tobias often came to the club with his wife. Hemingway took out a picture of Tiger. Tiger is blond and covered with tattoos that look like stripes. “I know exactly who he is, but I’m not telling you,” Mr. Hemingway said.