Goldman Sachs Is Perfect...

...everyone else is just cramping their style:

clipped from www.bloomberg.com Goldman Sachs Group Inc. blamed its $3 billion in hedge-fund losses this month on too many quantitative managers making the same trades. "Successful quant managers will have to rely more on unique factors, while we have developed a number of these factors over the last several years, in hindsight we did not put sufficient weight on these relative to more popular quant factors." {Hate to break this to ya, but this statement means your model was not unique as a whole and furthermore that you didn't give these "unique" factors enough weight to actually trade based on them - i.e. the factors are crap used for marketing materials, and you have the same damn model as every other quant fund.} Goldman's quantitative funds use six major investment ``themes'' that it identified as momentum, earnings quality, valuation, profitability, analyst sentiment and management impact. All suffered ``extreme negative returns'' from July 30 through Aug. 10. {Gee whiz these sure would sound unique...if it was 1960s when Vinnys roamed the floor of the NYSE like brightly colored dinosaurs.} Last week, ``quantitative portfolios fell (and rose) by unprecedented amounts -- far more than at any time in the history of our data,'' according to the Goldman report. {The only thing that rose was the P&L at Goldman's prop desk who found out about the liquidations early and front ran the trades, notes an inside source.} The world's most profitable securities firm and second-largest hedge-fund manager lost $1.4 billion, or 28 percent, in its Global Equity Opportunities fund this month while the flagship Global Alpha, fell 27 percent year to date. {Fortunately, unlike Smelly Bear Stearns Goldman's got plenty of money in the Sachs to keep these funds afloat - if they were to liquidate their reputation would take a hit and cause serious long term damage to the firm. Bear, on the other hand, has no reputation to speak of and is thus scrappily taking all of their investor's money so they can keep themselves afloat long enough to get CEO Jimmy Cayne's golf score down to non-laughable levels.}