Jimmy the Joint

Brilliant article written by Warren Spector in the WSJ.

Some choice bits:

The fund trouble was a shock for Bear, which was known as one of the Street's savviest risk managers. For years the firm relied on a system of "ferrets," or managers who monitored trades, to spot problems.

Ferrets? I think you meant Weasels…

Investment-firm chief Alexandra Lebenthal brought her 11-year-old son to visit Bear a few years back. She says she introduced him to Mr. Cayne, who pulled her aside and said, "That kid's got a rotten handshake. He's going nowhere in life."

Billy Bob Thornton is Jimmy Cayne in Dirty Bear – coming to a theater near you this Christmas!

Attendees say Mr. Cayne has sometimes smoked marijuana at the end of the day during bridge tournaments.

After a day of bridge at a Doubletree hotel in Memphis, in 2004, Mr. Cayne invited a fellow player and a woman to smoke pot with him, according to someone who was there, and led the two to a lobby men's room where he intended to light up. The other player declined, says the person who was there, but the woman followed Mr. Cayne inside and shared a joint, to the amusement of a passerby.

Asked more generally whether he smoked pot during bridge tournaments or on other occasions, Mr. Cayne said he would respond only "to a specific allegation," not to general questions.

Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis
Bear investors driving little Minis
Jealous 'cause I'm out getting mine
Jay with a joint and Spector with Subprime

Even when he wasn't there in person, Mr. Cayne was hands-on, say other associates. Mortgage-division head Tom Marano, who temporarily left his post over the summer to help stabilize the two flailing funds in the firm's asset-management division, says Mr. Cayne offered some helpful advice on handling irascible creditors during a critical period in July. Mr. Marano says the CEO told him in a phone call to "keep your Irish down," or cool his temper and try to negotiate calmly. (Mr. Marano is of Irish and Italian descent.)

Guess Jimmy can blame the whole crisis on the “Luck of the Irish”

On July 12, chatting with visitors over lunch, Mr. Cayne seemed less interested in discussing the markets than in talking about a breakfast-cereal allergy and his stash of unlabeled Cuban cigars.

Damn, Jimmy-Jay just str8 busted up his private stash. Obviously blazing with the analysts is a brilliant move to help Bear get favorable coverage again. What's that, you got some munchies? Here - just eat some of Bear's commercial paper.

Friends of Mr. Cayne say he is troubled by the summer's events and concerned about his legacy.

Yeah, if I just lost 61% YoY in income I’d be “troubled” too. I wouldn't be concerned about his legacy (say what?) - Bear's being sold to China, anyways.
You can’t make this ish up. Dirty Panda Bear in da house, suckas.