Stealing money from your friends for political advancement

John Edwards clearly learned something (besides poverty) at Fortress - life, like trading, is a zero sum game and someone always has to take a loss. In this case - his former colleagues.
Johnny was overheard saying from behind his modest ivory and platinum desk while lighting a handrolled Cuban with a $1000 bill - "Hey, it was either that or no more $400 clips, and I gotta look good for the campaign. The wifey aint gonna last past the primaries."

clipped from online.wsj.com Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards proposed increasing taxes on private-equity and hedge-fund managers in three ways [through extortion, pogroms and inquisitions] saying it would make the tax code more fair without damaging U.S. capital markets [it's not like those hedgies could just go public on the LSE and move themselves to London or Dubai]. Taken together, the former North Carolina senator asserted, these steps would raise [steal] $4 billion to $6 billion a year [that will fund a program to rid the world of sex slaves by buying the market and putting them into a safe compound adjacent to the White House]. Mr. Edwards, himself a former adviser to the hedge fund Fortress Investment Group, thus became the first major Democratic candidate to wade deeply into the controversy sparked by the explosive growth and profitability of hedge-fund and private-equity firms [because making money by improving failing companies is un-American - if you want to be a capitalist bastard go to China!]. While making amelioration of poverty a centerpiece of his campaign, the one-time trial lawyer earlier this year reported that he had received $1.7 million in salary and investment income from Fortress, where his holdings total $16 million [but not for long! Unexpected drawdowns are a bitch.] Mr. Edwards's stance could help shore up his populist credentials after criticism of his personal wealth and lifestyle have eroded his poll standings [surely you jest!].

Stylish Condoms for BSDs

News like this always worries me. When Cavalli and Versace start designing subdued (!!!) clothes for hedgies I get a desperate need to lock down another $500mm infusion of capital pronto and find it hard not to lend at least some credence to naysayers preaching of the hedge fund "bubble." The good news, however, is that maybe this new trend will tone down the effeminate rainbow that has been painting men's collections in recent seasons brighter than it ever has since the eighties.
Incidentally, highly recommend reading page 2 of the article for those with a cursory, but developed, interest in fashion. Dsquared and Jil Sander looking good for '08

clipped from www.nytimes.com "HEDGE funds, hedge funds, hedge funds,” Richard David Story said before the Ferragamo show on Sunday when asked to account for the current mood in men’s fashion all pitched to a guy with both a high net worth and a 30-inch waist. To judge from all the $700 cotton poplin trousers (Bottega Veneta), $250 flip-flops (Hermès) and $20,000 satchels in matte tobacco crocodile (Tod’s) on offer, the fractional-jet-share crowd has coffers so deep that there’ll be plenty left over for chronographs or John Currin paintings. That Bottega Veneta man — lithe, young, carefree in his moneyed assurance — seemed to be everywhere. He was spotted at Roberto Cavalli’s unexpectedly restrained show held in a cavernous disco near Linate Airport wearing not the leopard spots and junky rocker paraphernalia one expects from this designer, but instead the subdued suits and the slouchy suede driving shoes favored by the Maserati crowd. He appeared again in shiny trench coats, knife-slim suits and a muted palette at the Versace show, designed this season by the Russian-born Alexandre Plokhov, formerly of Cloak. Another avatar of the hedge-fund hottie turned out at Valentino’s brand-consistent presentation, notable as usual for natty Roman tailoring styled in a way that is often more than a little bit campy. Wasn’t that double-breasted white jacket nipped at the waist once a uniform of sorts among the high-end gigolos populating the piazzetta in Capri?

How I Spent My Summer Vacay

Ahh, to have the Treasuries keel over, the Pound rally to the 2 spot again and big LBO bets come to fruition. Certainly makes one's mind wander to things like G5s, Breguets and single malts twice your age. To that effect, I found this Forbes article both inspirational and useful.

clipped from www.forbes.com Assuming they can pry themselves away from their computers for a quick break this summer, hedge fund partners are planning to spend a fair amount of money enjoying the good life. Many in the business are already anticipating that their funds' strong performance so far this year will morph into a big incentive payoff come winter. The average hedge fund partner plans to drop $82,000 on watches and jewelry alone this summer. The biggest-ticket item of the summer seems to be yacht rentals, where the average budget is $446,000. But only 14 of the 301 partners in the survey plan to rent a yacht. The rest of them probably own. Hedge fund clients want unusual and off-the-beaten path destinations, challenges to take their minds off number crunching. Surfing down the ash covering a volcano in Nicaragua, heliskiing in Chile, anaconda hunting in the Amazon and motorbike safaris in Namibia are all popular. They plan to spend an average of $96,000 on "experiential" vacations.

Whitewashed Blackstone IPO

The Bigot Jesse Jackson is at it again, and now he's after the nappy headed baller Stephen Schwarzman and his "racist" IPO of Blackstone. Apparently Blackstone didn't go out of their way to put any "minority owned" firms at the top of the syndicate.
This is obviously a boldfaced lie. First off, who owns a public firm? A: Shareholders. This IPO is co-led by Citigroup, whose biggest shareholder is Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, member of a minority group that is highly ostracized by contemporary American culture. (Note: Prince bin Talal has not donated any money to Jesse Jackson) Second, Schwarzman belongs to a minority group himself, and a much smaller one than African Americans. (Note: Jesse Jackson hates Hymies.) Finally, note that while 7 so called "minority owned" banks did make the cut, heavyweights Goldman and JP Morgan were originally excluded, but finally were allowed to take a third-tier spot. (Note: Goldman and JPMorgan did not donate any money to Jesse Jackson and thus are of no importance to him.) So in case you haven't figured this one out yet, only firms that give money to Jesse Jackson, like Blaylock Capital, matter to Jesse Jackson. Hey, the man has illegitimate children to feed.

clipped from blogs.wsj.com Jesse Jackson is not impressed with Stephen Schwarzman’s new-found wealth. What Jackson is more focused on is the list of underwriters for the $4.7 billion IPO of Schwarzman’s firm, The Blackstone Group. In an interview with Deal Journal, Jackson says the share sale unfairly shortchanges minority-owned firms. “We’re going to protest this pattern of exclusion,” Jackson says. He calls it “Wall Street apartheid.” “We are qualified people to be on the front side of this deal.” He named minority-owned firms including Blaylock & Co., Loop Capital and Williams Capital. Such firms have “not a capacity but an opportunity deficit.” Jackson says that because firms going public are subject to regulation, Blackstone is “obligated to be inclusive and fair.” He says he will push for hearings on the matter on Capitol Hill if his concerns aren’t addressed. We should also note that [a] number of minority-owned firms have contributed to Jackson’s various causes

Rimjob Risk

Lesson of the day - there's a reason why they call it a hedge fund. You might have to cap your upside, but at least your backside will be insured against not-so tender offers.

clipped from newyork.craigslist.org hedge fund trader: how may i help? - m4mw - 31 Date: 2007-06-13, 1:43PM EDT left the ues for the promised land of soho and my 8grand month rental nut. havent really made money in my short only portfolio and the rent is due. will basically service anyone (man women dog etc) to help maintain my over extended lifestyle. ill eat ass if i have to but i wont move back to a 650sf apt on the ues -- no way no how. hit me back if you have any ideas, im not gay but i can be for an hr or so. Location: soho

There's more than one way to film a money shot.

Hedge Funds doing Hollywood? Old news. Hedge funds doing Hollywood (San Bernardino county anyways)? Now we're cooking with gas (but still less volatile gas than the one Brian Hunter was cooking with). Hope it's gonna be a hot summer for both of them.
Might expand this post after visiting the site at home...

clipped from www.dailybreeze.com Francis Koenig, a former hedge-fund manager in New York, moved to L.A. last year with one goal: directing traditional money to a nontraditional investment. That nontraditional investment is porn. His Beverly Hills-based company is called AdultVest, and he said it's the first and only one geared toward matching investors and successful entrepreneurs with growing adult-entertainment companies and adult entertainers looking to start up, expand, acquire or be acquired. "And they have absolutely no institutional financial participation, no venture funds, angle funds or private equity funds for this industry," he said. His first convention will be later this year in Hollywood, and he's looking for actors and actresses who want to fund a production or other venture to submit a proposal to his Web site, www.adultvest.com. The fundraising started last fall and Koenig said the money is coming in at a steady pace and there are some high-profile participants, though he declined to name names.

Doug Ellin: Working for Money is Immoral

Read the quick interview with Entourage creator Doug Ellin, whose next show will be about a couple guys running hedge funds and making money that "makes Vince look like a pauper." I though that given Ellin's expertly apt and guilt-free portrayal of the Hollywood entourage there would finally be a show about finance that didn't have the message of Wall Street, Boiler Room, et.al. - that money always corrupts and the people who make markets are the devil incarnate.

Perhaps I was wrong.

Ellin calls the Entourage boys who do nothing but sleep, drink and fuck "good guys who have each other’s back", and his homies who nonchalantly buy Bentleys make him laugh, while hedgies working their ass off and making billions sadden him. Is it because actors are idiots who couldn't be doing anything else, whereas Harvard-educated hedgies could be "trying to cure cancer"? Why aren't you shooting a documentary about fuckin' Darfur then, Ellin? Get off your hybrid high horse and kiss my wingtips. People who succeed do what they are most passionate about, and all the best traders and dealmakers, the ones who really have a gift for the game, would still be doing it for free. At their level "money is just a way to keep score," as Kravis said. Not to mention that Wall Street players give a whole lot more of their wealth away than your average Hollywood celeb trying to campaign for the it cause of the day because somehow being able to act [i.e. big tits or a nice jaw line] makes one naturally adept at understanding the intricacies of world politics.

Ellin then has the gall to say that people go to finance to hit a home run and take a shortcut to wealth. This is what worries me the most as it sets up the show to be completely unrealistic. As we all know there is no easy money in finance. You earn every penny you make, sometimes you just have a bit of tailwind. True, there are a very few brilliant traders out there who make a killing early on an keep on doing it, but even 80% of them spent years studying the trade before they got a chance to hit one out of the park. And I assure you - none of them could have cured cancer even if they tried.

clipped from www.nytimes.com Q: Why do you find the subject of money so interesting? Sadly, right now, that’s the world people are aspiring to. You have Harvard-educated medical doctors who would rather work at an investment bank than try to cure cancer. Q: The desire to make money is nothing new. No, but now people are looking for the home runs constantly. That’s the difference. People are seeing shortcuts and easy routes. Q: Is [Entourage] intended as a sendup of Hollywood excess? No. I consider the show 100 percent realistic. I have friends who wake up in the morning and want a Bentley and they go get it. I find it funny. I look at them [the Entourage cast] as good guys who have each other’s back and just want to take care of each other. They watch out for each other like family. Q: How much do you earn? I’m not going to tell you. Q: About $3 million a year? Yeah, you can put it in that neighborhood.